


The Choice is Mine

by HavocRoyale



Series: In the Garden of Your Heart [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Existential Crisis, F/M, Gen, Late Night Conversations, Lust Havoc AU, This entire AU is basically just "Jean teaches Lust to care", and also "Lust learns to live for herself"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21814894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HavocRoyale/pseuds/HavocRoyale
Summary: Lust is having a hard time coming to terms with things after realizing that maybe Father is wrong.Jean will sit with her and talk to her as long as it takes. He knows how hard it is to break from your parent's after following them for so long.
Relationships: Jean Havoc/Lust
Series: In the Garden of Your Heart [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571866
Comments: 7
Kudos: 22





	The Choice is Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy! This is my first fma fic lmao It's for an AU where Lust and Havoc end up together much the same as Greed and Ling do!  
> [Here's a post talking about it more in-depth if you're curious!](https://bunnythechopper.tumblr.com/post/189688182962/lust-and-havoc-share-a-body-au)

Jean awoke to the unmistakable sound and feeling of his...partner for lack of a better word, fiddling with her nails and talking to herself in the dead of night. He rolled over in bed, not opening his eyes and simply flailing his arm beside him, briefly forgetting that she’s not there. Jean groans as he sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, “Solaris? You alright?”

He doesn’t have the energy to focus in his head to talk face to face. Solaris stops altogether, “Jean...Yes. I’m fine, I just can’t sleep. I thought we talked about this already in the hospital?”

“Not sleeping ain’t the same thing as being kept awake,” He pulls a knee up and slumps over leaning onto his leg, “I could hear you mumblin’ about something, Sol.”

“It’s not anything  _ you _ need to worry about.”

“If it keeps you awake, it keeps me awake. What’s eating atcha?”

There’s a pause. Jean almost falls back asleep until Lust speaks up again, “I’m not saying you were right but—“

He can’t help but grin,  _ she’s totally saying he was right. _

“But, I’ve been thinking about humans and my Father’s plans and my role in everything.”

He admittedly doesn’t know what that means, not  _ really _ at least. But the fact she’s been thinking about all of that says a lot. He’s made progress in breaking through to her, to  _ Solaris _ . Jean grunts an affirmation that he heard her and checks the clock on the wall:  _ 12:43am. _

“Humans are stupid, you’re all so stupid, almost like cattle with no herder.”

Jean can’t help it but chuckle, “Can’t say I’ve ever been called a cow before.”

“Shut up.”

He swings his feet off the side of the bed, walking still feels weird. If it wasn’t for Lust inside of his head, he wouldn’t be able to do this. Jean still has to fake it though, it’s part of the deal. Getting that past the docs was hard.

“As I was saying,” His partner continues without a hitch as he sits down into the wheelchair and begins to push his way down the hall, “You’re dumb but you don’t let it stop you...Humans live for themselves, not anyone else. You make lives for yourselves and  _ choose _ to share it with others or bow to them.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely one of our finer qualities.”

“I don’t know what that’s like,” Lust says it quietly, almost like she’s ashamed of it.

“What do you mean?” Closing the backdoor behind him, Jean wheels out of the doorway on the porch and idly pulls a cigarette out.

_ If he’s awake, he might as well smoke some. _

“My entire existence has been dedicated to Father and helping him achieve his plan. I’ve never done something for  _ myself _ . I’ve never had a choice to do anything else.”

_ Well, that’s a load of crap.  _ Jean wants to sock her dad in the face _. _

“No offense, but I don’t think your dad is much of a dad,” He can feel her cringe as he takes a drag from the cigarette, “You’re not just part of him, yunno that don’t you? You’re your own person, Sol.”

“I don’t think—“ She shuts up as quickly as she started to refute.

The door beside them opens up and Jean’s mom steps out, she looks tired and worried, “Jean, who are you talking to?”

Jean awkwardly grins, “Sorry, Ma. Did I wake you? I was just talkin’ to myself.”

His mom takes a seat in the empty chair beside him, “Don’t worry about me, Jean. I’m always up at this time of night, it comes with being a military wife. Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Just some nightmares, nothin’ a few cigs won’t fix!” He laughed softly, he loved his mom, but he wants to talk to Lust as much as he can while she’ll let him.

His mom just looks at him, worried as she looked when she first came outside, “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“Yes, Ma,” He takes a last drag from the cigarette, “I’m gonna go back to bed, try not to stay up all night, okay, Ma?”

“Says you, I’ll get some rest if you do, how’s that?” She’s smiling now at least.

“Sounds like a plan,” Jean holds the door open for her to walk in first and wheels himself back into his room as quickly as he can.

As a kid, he hated his room being so far away from everyone else’s. Now though, it pays off in moments like this. Comfortably relocated to his bed, he speaks up, quieter this time, “Solaris?”

“What?”

“I meant what I said outside.”

She sighs, “I don’t want to talk about it, Jean—“

“Just listen to me, alright? You do what makes  _ you _ happy. Fuck your dad if he has a problem with your choice. It’s not his to make, it’s  _ your _ life. It was never his to begin with,” He rarely tries to retaliate when she tries to shut him down, but after his brief talk with his mom, he didn’t want to leave his thoughts unsaid here.

When his partner doesn’t respond for a while, he actually expects she was ignoring him. At least until she spoke up softly again, “Your parents didn’t want you to join the military.”

He swallows harshly, “No. My Pops served for nearly thirty years. He’s near completely deaf and lost a leg in Ishval; he would have died if he hadn’t been discharged. Ma was plenty happy when my brothers and sister didn’t go into the military. I actually signed up without telling anyone.”

It was a dumb decision on his part, but he doesn’t regret it, “They didn’t even know until I got shipped off. Boy, was Ma angry with me after that. Begged me to come home for months…”

“But you didn’t.”

“Nah, I  _ wanted _ to join. Wanted to do my Pops proud and follow in his footsteps.”

_ Silence. _

“I think you already know what you wanna do, if you ask me. You wouldn’t be thinkin’ about it so much if you didn’t,” He hoped at least, he may not know what her dad’s plan was, but he knows it’s nothing good.

“I don’t know if I would survive the change. Father isn’t one to let loose ends live.”

Jean laid back, arms stretched behind his head, “Welcome to the life of a dumb human. If that’s the only thing stopping you, then  _ we’re _ not as different as you seem to think.”

Admittedly, he was proud of himself. He felt like he landed a checkmate against her for the first time.

He was about to drift to sleep when List finally responded, “I’m sorry I woke you. But thank you...talking indeed helped.”

“Told ya. Talking always helps, and I’ve certainly got all the time in the world to talk here.”

He can feel her smile when lets out a soft laugh in the back of his mind, “I suppose you’re right. You really should get to bed, though. We have to open the store tomorrow.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’ll be fine, you don’t gotta baby me, Sol.”

“I’m not babying you! I happen to know you’re going to complain all morning if you’re too tired, and you’ll force  _ me _ to take over simply out of laziness.”

“Says you. Fine, but don’t come cryin’ to me next time you need to talk,” He rolled over and settled back down to sleep.

He could tell Lust was still smiling to herself, “Whatever you say, Jean.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Kudos & Comments are appreciated!
> 
> You can come down to talk with me about this AU and whatever else @bunnythechopper on tumblr!


End file.
